F: my town, chi-town

i just got this sudden desire to be in chicago, just walking around, enjoying the city. and it's weird. i've never really thought of it as home before now. granted, i live a ways out from chicago itself, but i've just never wanted to be there instead of here. i've for sure wanted to be with people from northern illinois, but not to just BE THERE.

i guess it's 'cause i was telling a friend about ed debevics and then just started thinking about all my trips into the city and how next to none of my friends here have any idea what i'm talking about. and no one here or in rockford have much of a clue about my life in the southern sickness (aka so ill). they don't really understand where i'm coming from.

i love union. i feel at home here. and i really feel like i fit. yet, i still feel detached sometimes. i suppose i subconsciously assumed once i found a fit, i'd be "complete" or at peace. it's just another reminder that our completeness won't be achieved in a place, in another person, in a job, in success. true completeness, true peace doesn't come from who we are but rather who God is. i am at peace knowing that Christ took my burden and gave me hope, knowing that He is in control of my circumstances, and knowing that my completeness isn't dependent on my fitting in or being understood by my peers. my true fit is in the arms of my Savior, walking in His righteousness and claiming His truth.

find rest, o my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, i will not be shaken. my salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. - psalm 62
this is home to me.

-freckles

C: service and cynicism.

 Why do we serve? It’s against our very nature to put others above ourselves. As a sinful, selfish human I don’t want to serve others. I want people to do my dishes, do my laundry, pay my bills, cook for me, and with all of that be happy about it. Jesus came to earth and made the ultimate sacrifice. Jesus has served me, and showed me how to serve.

 Sadly, service has turned into a way of approval, a way for attention, a way to show others how holy we are. I have become so cynical that when people serve me I question their motives. I find myself thinking, "This person thinks they're better than me.” or “Ugh, they just want everyone to see how amazing they are.” The only reason I think that is because when I serve, I sometimes find myself hoping others see how amazing I am, even if it is all with selfish motives. How wrong and hypocritical! We should serve not for our own reward but to glorify God.

Glorifying God. How? What does that even mean? I can say I glorify God in all I do, but do I mean it? Do I even know what it looks like?

I need to see Christ for who he is; if I can see how bad my sin truly is then I can see all he had to bear just for me to be able to enter the pearly gates. If I can see that, then it would be impossible for me not to glorify him.

This might not make sense but it is what has been running through my mind. It's a work in progress. 

-curls

F: possibly dying.

been feeling a bit ill-ish lately, so i checked my symptoms on webmd.
turns out i have aseptic meningitis, narcotic abuse, or a common cold.

added to the lyme disease, west nile, and various forms of cancer this site has diagnosed me with, i am possibly dying. at any rate, it's not looking good.


-freckles

C: thought of the day.

We walk, run, skip, hop, jump, and squash bugs with our feet. Yet, Jesus washed the disciples feet. The disciples were confused why Jesus, the king of the universe, would wash their feet. Heck if someone walked up and washed my feet I would be confused. Jesus served; Jesus loved.

“12When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. 16Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.” John 13:12-16

I’m in the ministry of washing feet. 

-curls

C: 21 years of life. . .

As of 9:30 yesterday morning I have been on earth for 21 years. Yuppie.

For my birthday I will state 21 fun facts:

21- I’m a sucker for hipsters. Don’t judge.

20- I make up words to songs I don’t know.

19- My nephews and niece are my favorite people in the entire world.

18- Growing up I got kids meals just for the toys. I still have my alligator compass for Wendy's. 

17- I often times disagree just because I want people to be able to backup what they say.

16- I hate confrontation, but I hate it more when people are passive aggressive.

15- Sometimes I am speechless about the blessings that are lavished upon me.

14- I dream of someday living in Colorado, India, and New York.

13- I have a secret desire to be a movie critic.

12- I am a really rational person, when it comes to everybody’s situations but my own.

11- Going to concerts has become a new favorite hobby.

10- I love dressing fancy.

09-I sometimes find myself wishing that people could read my mind so they knew exactly what I wanted without me telling them.

08- I have a newfound love of heels.

07- I have an addiction to television. It really doesn't matter what the show is about I'm sure I will end up loving it. 

06- I want 6 kids. 

05- For the first 9 years of my life I thought my family could take me to the hospital and trade me in for a better sibling.

04- I am named after my grandmother; I hope I can grow to be more like her. (Her birthday was also yesterday.)

03- I love chaos. It is oddly relaxing.

02- My favorite nail polish color is dark blue. 

01- My siblings are cooler than yours. Deal with it.