C: exams

They suck.

-curls

C: i'm thankful.

This semester is quickly coming to a close. Teachers seem to be rushing through their last lectures trying to make sure students learn everything they need to. Boys are getting in their last chance professions of love before break. Looks have stopped being a priority for the girls. And parents keep asking you if your grades are high enough. Stress is certainly at an all time high. People are asking themselves, Will I pass? Will I fail?

When I came to school in August, I thought the worst thing that could happen is that I would fail out of nursing school. How God has taught me to see him for what he is and know he is in control of my future, pass or fail. I’m his daughter and he loves me. I look back on the hardest semester of my college career and realize the blessings that God gave me. One in particular is my roommates and their love for me; they seem to always have a listening ear and much needed hug. God uses his people to help each other. God is good. He is constant.

And I’m thankful.

-curls.

fictional characters we would date if they were real

      Curls                                       Freckles
1. Jim Halpert                       1. Jim Halpert
    The Office                              The Office
2. Dr. Spencer Reid              2. Eric Forman
    Criminal Minds                     That 70s Show
3. Dr. John Carter                3. Peter Parker
     ER                                          Spiderman
4. Dr. Jack Shephard           4. Burt Farlander
    LOST                                       Away We Go
5. Jacob Palmer                    5. Tom Hansen
    Crazy Stupid Love                 500 Days of Summer
6. Arthur                                6. Noah Calhoun
    Inception                               The Notebook
7. Chandler Bing                   7. Christian
    Friends                                    Moulin Rouge
8. Jack Kelley                         8. Oliver Martin
    Newsies                                  A Lot Like Love
9. Tim Riggins                        9. Bret McKenzie
    Friday Night Lights                Flight of the Conchords
10. Oliver Martin                   10. Tom Leezak
      A Lot Like Love                        Just Married
11. Marshall Eriksen              11. Ethan
     How I Met Your Mother        Something Borrowed
12. Jack Dawson                      12. future Simon Bellamy
      Titanic                                        Misfits
13. Ben Wyatt                          13. Paulie Bleeker
       Parks and Recreation             Juno
14. Abed Nadir                         14. Guy Patterson
      Community                                That Thing You Do
15. Nathan Scott                      15. Wolverine
      One Tree Hill                             X-Men

F: my town, chi-town

i just got this sudden desire to be in chicago, just walking around, enjoying the city. and it's weird. i've never really thought of it as home before now. granted, i live a ways out from chicago itself, but i've just never wanted to be there instead of here. i've for sure wanted to be with people from northern illinois, but not to just BE THERE.

i guess it's 'cause i was telling a friend about ed debevics and then just started thinking about all my trips into the city and how next to none of my friends here have any idea what i'm talking about. and no one here or in rockford have much of a clue about my life in the southern sickness (aka so ill). they don't really understand where i'm coming from.

i love union. i feel at home here. and i really feel like i fit. yet, i still feel detached sometimes. i suppose i subconsciously assumed once i found a fit, i'd be "complete" or at peace. it's just another reminder that our completeness won't be achieved in a place, in another person, in a job, in success. true completeness, true peace doesn't come from who we are but rather who God is. i am at peace knowing that Christ took my burden and gave me hope, knowing that He is in control of my circumstances, and knowing that my completeness isn't dependent on my fitting in or being understood by my peers. my true fit is in the arms of my Savior, walking in His righteousness and claiming His truth.

find rest, o my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, i will not be shaken. my salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. - psalm 62
this is home to me.

-freckles

C: service and cynicism.

 Why do we serve? It’s against our very nature to put others above ourselves. As a sinful, selfish human I don’t want to serve others. I want people to do my dishes, do my laundry, pay my bills, cook for me, and with all of that be happy about it. Jesus came to earth and made the ultimate sacrifice. Jesus has served me, and showed me how to serve.

 Sadly, service has turned into a way of approval, a way for attention, a way to show others how holy we are. I have become so cynical that when people serve me I question their motives. I find myself thinking, "This person thinks they're better than me.” or “Ugh, they just want everyone to see how amazing they are.” The only reason I think that is because when I serve, I sometimes find myself hoping others see how amazing I am, even if it is all with selfish motives. How wrong and hypocritical! We should serve not for our own reward but to glorify God.

Glorifying God. How? What does that even mean? I can say I glorify God in all I do, but do I mean it? Do I even know what it looks like?

I need to see Christ for who he is; if I can see how bad my sin truly is then I can see all he had to bear just for me to be able to enter the pearly gates. If I can see that, then it would be impossible for me not to glorify him.

This might not make sense but it is what has been running through my mind. It's a work in progress. 

-curls

F: possibly dying.

been feeling a bit ill-ish lately, so i checked my symptoms on webmd.
turns out i have aseptic meningitis, narcotic abuse, or a common cold.

added to the lyme disease, west nile, and various forms of cancer this site has diagnosed me with, i am possibly dying. at any rate, it's not looking good.


-freckles

C: thought of the day.

We walk, run, skip, hop, jump, and squash bugs with our feet. Yet, Jesus washed the disciples feet. The disciples were confused why Jesus, the king of the universe, would wash their feet. Heck if someone walked up and washed my feet I would be confused. Jesus served; Jesus loved.

“12When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, "Do you understand what I have done to you? 13 You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. 15For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. 16Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.” John 13:12-16

I’m in the ministry of washing feet. 

-curls

C: 21 years of life. . .

As of 9:30 yesterday morning I have been on earth for 21 years. Yuppie.

For my birthday I will state 21 fun facts:

21- I’m a sucker for hipsters. Don’t judge.

20- I make up words to songs I don’t know.

19- My nephews and niece are my favorite people in the entire world.

18- Growing up I got kids meals just for the toys. I still have my alligator compass for Wendy's. 

17- I often times disagree just because I want people to be able to backup what they say.

16- I hate confrontation, but I hate it more when people are passive aggressive.

15- Sometimes I am speechless about the blessings that are lavished upon me.

14- I dream of someday living in Colorado, India, and New York.

13- I have a secret desire to be a movie critic.

12- I am a really rational person, when it comes to everybody’s situations but my own.

11- Going to concerts has become a new favorite hobby.

10- I love dressing fancy.

09-I sometimes find myself wishing that people could read my mind so they knew exactly what I wanted without me telling them.

08- I have a newfound love of heels.

07- I have an addiction to television. It really doesn't matter what the show is about I'm sure I will end up loving it. 

06- I want 6 kids. 

05- For the first 9 years of my life I thought my family could take me to the hospital and trade me in for a better sibling.

04- I am named after my grandmother; I hope I can grow to be more like her. (Her birthday was also yesterday.)

03- I love chaos. It is oddly relaxing.

02- My favorite nail polish color is dark blue. 

01- My siblings are cooler than yours. Deal with it. 

F: the ten confessions

1. i have recently developed a twitch in my right eye.
   big says it's from stress..
2. once a year, i really get into reading.
   usually cs lewis or holocaust books.
3. i go back and forth about thirty-eight times a day on whether or not to cut my hair.
4. when my roommates are gone, i practice ballet to "on my own" from les mis. or anything by yael naim. because her voice is great.
5. my biggest fear is disappointing everyone. anyone.
6. i'm afraid of the dark. heights. large bodies of water. bugs.
7. i may be addicted to candy pumpkins.
8. every time i go into the bathroom, i have to check if anyone is hiding in the shower.
9. i floss my teeth at least once, sometimes twice, a day.
10. i can't remember the last time i drank a glass of water.

p.s. i was able to talk to morgan tons more this week. SO needed since it has felt like the longest week of life. she's so great. also, shared what's been on my mind. nothing "solved," but boy is it nice to have someone to talk to. love her muchly.

freckles

F: ugh. just ugh. with a side of ugh.

these past few weeks have been... a lot. maybe it's because i cannot remember having a chance to just rest since that one day at the beginning of june - and who knows when before that. or maybe it's because i've been so stressed recently. whatever the case, i am having trouble getting over being bummed out. i've missed so many special days (especially bummed about rob's 30th birthday, my parents' 30th wedding anniversary, and SMOOFS BEING BORN.) and there were quite a few people i didn't really get to say goodbye to. i guess i'm starting to realize that i don't really know how many chances i have left to be with my rockford family. the kids are growing up so fast. everyone has so much going on. and when i'm here at school, i can't really be a part of it. it's hard, because i wouldn't want to be anywhere but here, and when i'm away from school, i miss my union family like crazy...

i just miss my best friend. i wish i could go sit on her couch and tell her everything that's going on in my head and hear about her life and laugh with her. and it honestly breaks my heart to not be able to see little adalynne. the richmonds, cartys, and kolanowskis are family. i hate that i can't celebrate with them and be near them.

i guess it's just that my heart is pulled in so many directions right now and i'm hurting because of it... 44 days since i left. roughly 75 til i'll be able to visit. wish my two worlds were closer. and really dreading the day when those two worlds will be split even more.

-freckles

C: An E-mail, A phone call, A letter

Two weeks and 2 days have passed since my cousin was killed. We had grown up most of our younger years together, doing each other’s hair, jumping on trampolines, singing Aaron Carter into the hair blow dryers, building forts, playing dress-up, having water balloon fights, and talking about boys. We lost touch around the time I went into high school. Our hanging out stopped, and our conversations ended; we grew apart.

We saw each other probably three times a year, and we did the cordial “How are you?” or “Any fun plans for the summer?” But All in all I didn’t know who Hannah was anymore, and she didn’t know me. She died under tragic circumstances that can’t really ever be explained. My mind tells me nothing I could have done could have prevented it. God is in control. He is sovereign and he loves his children. Right?

My heart is at odds with the fact that I could have emailed her, called her, sent her a freaking letter. Something. Anything. I should have reached out; I should have been a friend. I should have tried harder; I should have loved better. Why did I let us drift apart? Was there something I could have said?

 Hannah Oltz Barnes was in a lot of my growing up years and I grieve the fact that while on earth I will never get to share in a laugh with her, or hear about her crazy dramatic life. But, she is glorifying God in a way I can only imagine. Someday we will be reunited. “Oh the bliss of the glorious thought.”

The tears have stopped. And I’m at the feet of Jesus, asking him to carry me.

-curls

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentation 3:22-23

F: everyone needs to know about smoofs

i've known chad and crystal carty for about three years, and i can tell you that they are true servants of God. they're just honest and real and loving and Christ-focused, in a way that is rarely seen. chad is the pastor of a church plant in the rockford area called "the harbor." we meet in their house for dinner, worship, and bible study each week. chad and crystal are blessings in my life as advisors and friends. i love them. they've been married for about eleven years and have struggled with not being able to have children. but they both have been patient for God's timing and trusting in His plan. they consider students like me to be their children and have gone out of their way to invest in us. several months ago after feeling God's call on them towards adoption, the cartys sent preliminary applications to a few adoption agencies. and then they waited, again, trusting God to be faithful.

at the beginning of june, chad received a call from one of the agencies about a possible match. they quickly got a profile together to present to the mother, and without hesitation, the mother knew the cartys were her pick. normally, adopting parents have to go through classes, fill out TONS of paperwork, and have multiple appointments with caseworkers and doctors before they are presented to birth parents, but clearly God had another plan here. the date chad and crystal were matched with this birth mom was just slightly over three months until the child was to be born. the past twelve weeks the cartys have not only been going through all this adoption work but also preparing to bring a newborn home, giving all glory to God and praising His faithfulness to their desire to be parents.

we now have just one week until this baby girl, that we have nicknamed "smoofs," will be born. i cannot explain the anticipation felt by the cartys, their families, and the harbor church family. it is so clear to us how God has worked in this situation, and it's awesome to have been along for the ride. in all honesty, there is still a chance the birth mom could change her mind once the baby is born, but God has been faithful up to this point. we know we can trust that He will work here, whatever the outcome. please join me in praying for the cartys this week and for God to continue to lead!

Lord God, thank You for Your faithfulness and Your grace in giving us things that we do not deserve. thank You for being present in our lives and directing our steps. thank You, Lord, for making this all happen, for bringing chad and crystal to where they are, for having Your way in their lives. i ask that You'll continue to keep the birth mom tina and baby smoofs healthy. please continue to use chad and crystal to share Your love and gospel story with tina. Lord, whatever happens in this next week, may You be glorified. draw everyone involved closer to You and show us Your power.

-freckles

F: August 21st to August 27th

the first week of school. longest week of life. it's hard to believe that just six days ago, the jarman 39 girls were reunited. and that just five days ago, all my best friendlies were finally here. and then just four days ago, classes started. and it's only been three days since i got to be back with the ebc youth. and only two days since our life group meeting. and yesterday, we had an awkward lunch with corey and josh in the completely packed coburn.

these events just skim the surface of what has gone on the past few days. this week has been so long. and confusing. and i'm surprised we're all still standing at the end. things that would have broken me a year ago -maybe even a month ago- now just roll off. not as if it doesn't matter, but as if it doesn't control me.

and all i can think is peace. this is God's peace. this is how it feels to be free. this is how it feels to understand that life is more than the world projects, more than we can imagine. second corinthians 3:17 says "...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." the Lord is faithful. He has seen my pain and hardship. He has seen me struggle, and He has lifted the veil and shown me all of this mess has a reason. God is good. and even when i can't trust anyone else, i can trust that He will be faithful to His Word. my charges are dropped. my chains are destroyed. i can live in the freedom of Christ and have peace in knowing He reigns and He holds the future.

man, how blessed are we that God is God...
freckles

F: clearly, i like psalms

i would just like to take a moment to reflect on how much i HATE getting sunburn on my back. anything that touches it - my bed, the back of a chair, a purse, a shirt - kills. and i have to get someone else to put my vitamin e on it which gets awkward. my poor little white skin just does not get along with the summer sun.

in better news, my twentieth birthday is in three days, i've gotten to see nearly all my rockford buddies so far, and i finally settled on an idea for my next tattoo. fun stuff.

last night i went to the starbucks with little hannakin so she could have some time out of the house. (this guy suggested i get a coconut mocha which was real tasty, by the way. :] ) and talking with hanna led us to reflect on the greatness of God. He is so big, like how psalm 139 says His characteristics are just "too lofty for me to attain." and God is so good. psalm 34:8 reads "taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."or psalm 146:9: "the Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made." these verses are so true; God has been so good to me. and it's simply amazing how He turns our weaknesses into good by His power. i can really identify with psalm 30:11 that says "You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy." and after noticing this, i can't help but do what is often repeated throughout the psalms and "give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." it's always so uplifting to be reminded of the awesomeness of God. now, if He could just miraculously take away this sunburn, i would be one extra happy girl. ;]

-freckles

F: Upperclassmen, What?

Well folks, here it is. We are officially halfway done with our undergrad careers. Crazy. Scary. Awesome. It's insane that we've already made it this far. At times, it doesn't feel like that long ago that we moved into Jarman 39. But when I think about how much has happened since we came to Union, I can't believe it's only been two years.

It's exciting to see where God has brought us, but it's nerve-racking to think about what's ahead. In two years, we will be graduating and facing so many choices. And I honestly have no idea what's in store. Will we all move far away? To another state? Another country? Where will we work? What will our jobs be? Will we get married? Will any of us have kids? Cats? A pig? Will Kelly become a Southern Baptist? Will I ever grow up? And what will happen with our friendships at home? What about our friends from school? What will our stories be?

God has done such a work in me since we moved onto Union's campus August 21, 2009. I'm not the same as I was then, and I know by the time spring 2013 rolls around I'll have changed even more. So while we can't say for certain what we'll be doing after graduation, we can be sure that whatever future is in store for each of us it will be good. Probably crazy. Probably funny and random and so completely hard, but definitely good. Because God isn't done with us yet. Sweet!


Well... hello summer! Better be awesome. And make it snappy.
-freckles :]

Up 'Til Dawn

the things that keep us Up 'Til Dawn....

• buckdoubles. nuff said.
• coming up with excuses for unfinished assigments and skipped classes.
• naming our future children... or pets.
• making award winning costumes.
• recalling unfortunate childhood memories.
• youtube videos.
• movies that can only be appreciated after 11 pm.
• contemplating "what ifs."
• listmaking. listmaking. and more listmaking.
• freetetris.org.
• tornado warnings.
• eighth-grade-Elsie's testimony.
• driving back from concerts.
• the webcam.
• getting in the Word.
• walks around campus dressed like hobos.
• reality shows, wedding shows, and game shows.
• spontaneous exercise.
• deep conversations: about nothing and everything.
• talking to Murphy.
• crazythingsparentstext.com.
• visits to Jennings piano rooms.
• skype chats.
• waiting on Elsie to return home.
• and making this blog.